Your Michael Jackson Father

So your father has tried to kill you twice in two days!

First, he was hanging out upstairs with the whole family and your papa was at the bottom of the stairs checking out a copy of FHM magazine. When your Glamma made fun of him for doing so, your papa replied, "no, i was reading Forbes, not FHM!".....Our bullshit radar collectively went off. So, your dad, intrigued by the ammount of bullshit being flung from downstairs wanted to get a bird's eye view of the action. So, WITH YOU IN HIS ARMS, he peers OVER THE BANISTER to gain a better view. But, in order to get the best view, he HOLDS YOU OVER THE BANISTER! (ala Michael Jackson in a European Hotel).

Note to dad: You're white....but not THAT white.

OK, so everyone makes their mistakes now and again. So, we were willing to let that one go. Until.....the next day.

The following evening, your mother was gone to her internship. And, dad, trying to be the best father/husband/maid that he can be, was picking up the house to try and do his fair share of cleaning (you know, his normal 90% of the household duties). While cleaning, he was putting some blankets away in our ottoman (which opens up like a chest...BEST ottoman in the world, but we digress) when he found that he had put too many blankets in the ottoman so it would not close all the way. Now, apparently, you had made your way over to the ottoman to help dad put away the blankets....so you did all that you could do...and placed your hands and fingers in the opening of the ottoman. Anyone want to guess where this is going? So, rather than removing a blanket from the over-stuffed ottoman, your dad pushed the lid down hard and SMASHED YOUR FINGERS!

It took a while to decipher...but luckily it turns out that nothing was broken.



Dads! Can't live with them and can't shoot them. What are we going to do?

Basket Go-Kart

Your GLAMa' rocks...and you roll! Glamma took you basket car racing on Christmas. It was a photo finish between you and the refridgerator, but you took 1st place in the end. Great job, lead foot!

Christmas 04: 1,000 Pictures are Worth 1 Word .... Or Something Like That

Rubber Ducky You're The One

You are so adorable in the bath, we had to share this w/ the world. Mom and dad love to mess up your hair and give you that punk rock look.

But, when you grow up you can do whatever you'd like w/ your hair. As long as mom and dad approve.

Heed Tu Madre's Warning

So your dad is a little notorious for rough housing. And, it's finally gotten me in trouble...although not the way I thought it might. See, I love to throw you around and juggle you in the air with various sharp objects (knives, swords, flamethrowers, you know...the usual) and your mother (God bless your mother) always says, "You better stop because she just ate!"

But, it's been like....I don't know...forever since you've been spitting up and throwing up and well, I always thought your mom was a little over protective.

Well, that was then and this is now. Your mom is not over protective. No, she is the best mom in the world, not to mention the smartest human alive.

So, what happened you ask? The other day after playing Mr. Mom in the morning and feeding you a nice big lunch (I was off work and your mom was sick), I decided to grab you and throw you up in the air to make you laugh (I really love it when you laugh). And, although I'm not sure exactly what happened, I think I pressed the red, emergency button on your stomach. You know, the one that they use for the Heimlech maneuver. And so, as does happen when the button is pressed, you puked.

Now, that in itself....not such a big deal. What sucked is that you were up in the air above my head. Also, not such a big deal...daddy's a big boy and can clean up puke w/ the best of 'em. No, what sucked is that you puked IN MY MOUTH! What type of devil spawn are you?

Now, just in case you're wondering..let me describe the taste. As if puke didn't taste bad enough already (yes, i'm all too familiar...too many nights after too many Captain and Cokes), someone ELSE'S puke tastes even worse. It's as if your own puke puked...it's like puke squared.

So, dad, being the calm, collected, idealistic role model that he is did what any great dad would do. He threw you down as quickly as possible, starting screaming like a girl and running (as if his ass was on fire) towards any object that spewed water...or any other liquid that could rinse out the flavor of puke....squared.

Yes, your dad is a girl. But, it's OK cuz your mom is a dude. So, it all works out in the end.

Epilogue: water was not able to rinse out the taste of the puke so I had a chocolate mint from See's....Mmmmmmm....chocolate. What did you do again?

How To Make An Ayjia Burrito

Obtain the following ingredients:
1 Wet Baby
1 Clean Towel

Directions:
Wrap wet baby tightly with clean towel. Enjoy!

The Future Is So Bright I've Gotta Wear Shades

Punk-y Brewster (aka the Faux-Hawk)

The Ayjia'n Dictionary - 11 month edition

"Ba Boo" = Pa Pa (i.e. Your Step-Grandfather)
"Hey Dare" = Hi There
"Goo Gir" = Good Girl
"Gog" = Dog
"Mook" = Milk
"Kee" = Kitty
"ooOOOOoo" = Coool
"Na No" = No No
"Buh By" = Bye Bye

Going to the Chapel and We're....

Gonna get married...But, wait, scratch that...we're going to the courthouse. How romantic!

We do things backwards around here. First come love, then comes baby, then comes marriage in a ...uh...baby carriage?

Do what we say, not what we do!

We had a great 30 minutes at mom and dad's wedding. Grandpa was there to play photographer and the Auburn County Courthouse was there to play chapel. Mom played the groom and dad was the beautiful blushing bride. We didn't really stick to the traditions much to the chagrin of traditional families. BUT! we did get something old (grandpa), something new (you), something borrowed (the pen to sign the marriage certificate legally binding us for ALL of ETERNITY... in the state of California), and something blue (the marriage pamphlet that they hand out as guidelines to having a good marriage).

Leave it to us to make a mockery out of sacred wedding vows. During the ceremony..if you can call it that...mom said, "for RICHER or poorer" and she did enunciate RICHER with much emphasis.

Prior to that, we were deciding where to hold the ceremony (the choices were endless...a conference room which was booked, a trellis in the snack bar, and outside where the weather was...uh...less than gloomy), and mom said we couldn't hold the wedding outside because "she doesn't have a jacket"..and by "she" she meant, you, our beautiful daughter. But, dad, although intelligent most of the time, had a moment of , uh, normality, and thought mom was referring to the cowgirl that was going to conduct the ceremony. So, dad was like, "who cares if the lady has a jacket?" Yeah, your parents are dorks and you probaby got some of the dork gene too. I mean, look at those ears!

Don't Start With Us, Kid!

The other day, we took you to Best Buy and you have now reached a point where you have decided you don't want to be held by our loving arms. Now, much to our arm muscles' delight, you are walking through stores w/ mom and dad.

However, you have decided that you don't necessarily want to go where mom and dad go. So, the other night at Best Buy (pause: we (meaning dad) LOVE Best Buy and you will spend much more time there), you decided that you weren't necessarilly interested in refirgerators, washers, and dryers. No, you decied that you were interested in....well...anywhere where mom and dad weren't.

So, ocassionally, dad would redirect you. Thankfully, you can't turn very well yet, so once directed by dad you will go that way for a little while, but, you decided to fuss when you don't get your way.

So dad and mom are starting to discipline a little bit more. No big deal, but now you're favorite word is "no!" But, we don't want you to say "no!" when we tell you "no."

Who is running this house anyway??!!!?!?

How To Make an Ayjia Sandwhich

Ingrediants:

One fully grown mom
One fully grown dad
One fresh baby

Directions:
Combine the mom, dad, and baby in a nursery room at 8:45pm. Squeeze the three together while saying excitedly, "Ayjia Sandwhich!" Note: laughter may occur.

Separate the mom, dad, and baby. Say, "Otra Vez'" (english version: Again)

Once more, combnie the mom, dad, and baby for about 30 seconds as tightly as possible.

Insert love.