Your Michael Jackson Father

So your father has tried to kill you twice in two days!

First, he was hanging out upstairs with the whole family and your papa was at the bottom of the stairs checking out a copy of FHM magazine. When your Glamma made fun of him for doing so, your papa replied, "no, i was reading Forbes, not FHM!".....Our bullshit radar collectively went off. So, your dad, intrigued by the ammount of bullshit being flung from downstairs wanted to get a bird's eye view of the action. So, WITH YOU IN HIS ARMS, he peers OVER THE BANISTER to gain a better view. But, in order to get the best view, he HOLDS YOU OVER THE BANISTER! (ala Michael Jackson in a European Hotel).

Note to dad: You're white....but not THAT white.

OK, so everyone makes their mistakes now and again. So, we were willing to let that one go. Until.....the next day.

The following evening, your mother was gone to her internship. And, dad, trying to be the best father/husband/maid that he can be, was picking up the house to try and do his fair share of cleaning (you know, his normal 90% of the household duties). While cleaning, he was putting some blankets away in our ottoman (which opens up like a chest...BEST ottoman in the world, but we digress) when he found that he had put too many blankets in the ottoman so it would not close all the way. Now, apparently, you had made your way over to the ottoman to help dad put away the blankets....so you did all that you could do...and placed your hands and fingers in the opening of the ottoman. Anyone want to guess where this is going? So, rather than removing a blanket from the over-stuffed ottoman, your dad pushed the lid down hard and SMASHED YOUR FINGERS!

It took a while to decipher...but luckily it turns out that nothing was broken.



Dads! Can't live with them and can't shoot them. What are we going to do?

Basket Go-Kart

Your GLAMa' rocks...and you roll! Glamma took you basket car racing on Christmas. It was a photo finish between you and the refridgerator, but you took 1st place in the end. Great job, lead foot!

Christmas 04: 1,000 Pictures are Worth 1 Word .... Or Something Like That

Rubber Ducky You're The One

You are so adorable in the bath, we had to share this w/ the world. Mom and dad love to mess up your hair and give you that punk rock look.

But, when you grow up you can do whatever you'd like w/ your hair. As long as mom and dad approve.

Heed Tu Madre's Warning

So your dad is a little notorious for rough housing. And, it's finally gotten me in trouble...although not the way I thought it might. See, I love to throw you around and juggle you in the air with various sharp objects (knives, swords, flamethrowers, you know...the usual) and your mother (God bless your mother) always says, "You better stop because she just ate!"

But, it's been like....I don't know...forever since you've been spitting up and throwing up and well, I always thought your mom was a little over protective.

Well, that was then and this is now. Your mom is not over protective. No, she is the best mom in the world, not to mention the smartest human alive.

So, what happened you ask? The other day after playing Mr. Mom in the morning and feeding you a nice big lunch (I was off work and your mom was sick), I decided to grab you and throw you up in the air to make you laugh (I really love it when you laugh). And, although I'm not sure exactly what happened, I think I pressed the red, emergency button on your stomach. You know, the one that they use for the Heimlech maneuver. And so, as does happen when the button is pressed, you puked.

Now, that in itself....not such a big deal. What sucked is that you were up in the air above my head. Also, not such a big deal...daddy's a big boy and can clean up puke w/ the best of 'em. No, what sucked is that you puked IN MY MOUTH! What type of devil spawn are you?

Now, just in case you're wondering..let me describe the taste. As if puke didn't taste bad enough already (yes, i'm all too familiar...too many nights after too many Captain and Cokes), someone ELSE'S puke tastes even worse. It's as if your own puke puked...it's like puke squared.

So, dad, being the calm, collected, idealistic role model that he is did what any great dad would do. He threw you down as quickly as possible, starting screaming like a girl and running (as if his ass was on fire) towards any object that spewed water...or any other liquid that could rinse out the flavor of puke....squared.

Yes, your dad is a girl. But, it's OK cuz your mom is a dude. So, it all works out in the end.

Epilogue: water was not able to rinse out the taste of the puke so I had a chocolate mint from See's....Mmmmmmm....chocolate. What did you do again?

How To Make An Ayjia Burrito

Obtain the following ingredients:
1 Wet Baby
1 Clean Towel

Directions:
Wrap wet baby tightly with clean towel. Enjoy!

The Future Is So Bright I've Gotta Wear Shades

Punk-y Brewster (aka the Faux-Hawk)

The Ayjia'n Dictionary - 11 month edition

"Ba Boo" = Pa Pa (i.e. Your Step-Grandfather)
"Hey Dare" = Hi There
"Goo Gir" = Good Girl
"Gog" = Dog
"Mook" = Milk
"Kee" = Kitty
"ooOOOOoo" = Coool
"Na No" = No No
"Buh By" = Bye Bye

Going to the Chapel and We're....

Gonna get married...But, wait, scratch that...we're going to the courthouse. How romantic!

We do things backwards around here. First come love, then comes baby, then comes marriage in a ...uh...baby carriage?

Do what we say, not what we do!

We had a great 30 minutes at mom and dad's wedding. Grandpa was there to play photographer and the Auburn County Courthouse was there to play chapel. Mom played the groom and dad was the beautiful blushing bride. We didn't really stick to the traditions much to the chagrin of traditional families. BUT! we did get something old (grandpa), something new (you), something borrowed (the pen to sign the marriage certificate legally binding us for ALL of ETERNITY... in the state of California), and something blue (the marriage pamphlet that they hand out as guidelines to having a good marriage).

Leave it to us to make a mockery out of sacred wedding vows. During the ceremony..if you can call it that...mom said, "for RICHER or poorer" and she did enunciate RICHER with much emphasis.

Prior to that, we were deciding where to hold the ceremony (the choices were endless...a conference room which was booked, a trellis in the snack bar, and outside where the weather was...uh...less than gloomy), and mom said we couldn't hold the wedding outside because "she doesn't have a jacket"..and by "she" she meant, you, our beautiful daughter. But, dad, although intelligent most of the time, had a moment of , uh, normality, and thought mom was referring to the cowgirl that was going to conduct the ceremony. So, dad was like, "who cares if the lady has a jacket?" Yeah, your parents are dorks and you probaby got some of the dork gene too. I mean, look at those ears!

Don't Start With Us, Kid!

The other day, we took you to Best Buy and you have now reached a point where you have decided you don't want to be held by our loving arms. Now, much to our arm muscles' delight, you are walking through stores w/ mom and dad.

However, you have decided that you don't necessarily want to go where mom and dad go. So, the other night at Best Buy (pause: we (meaning dad) LOVE Best Buy and you will spend much more time there), you decided that you weren't necessarilly interested in refirgerators, washers, and dryers. No, you decied that you were interested in....well...anywhere where mom and dad weren't.

So, ocassionally, dad would redirect you. Thankfully, you can't turn very well yet, so once directed by dad you will go that way for a little while, but, you decided to fuss when you don't get your way.

So dad and mom are starting to discipline a little bit more. No big deal, but now you're favorite word is "no!" But, we don't want you to say "no!" when we tell you "no."

Who is running this house anyway??!!!?!?

How To Make an Ayjia Sandwhich

Ingrediants:

One fully grown mom
One fully grown dad
One fresh baby

Directions:
Combine the mom, dad, and baby in a nursery room at 8:45pm. Squeeze the three together while saying excitedly, "Ayjia Sandwhich!" Note: laughter may occur.

Separate the mom, dad, and baby. Say, "Otra Vez'" (english version: Again)

Once more, combnie the mom, dad, and baby for about 30 seconds as tightly as possible.

Insert love.

Your First Thanksgiving

Well, it's not a picture of everyone that was there, but here's a pic of most of your family at your first Thanksgiving. We were surprised to see you behave so well around numerous strangers (at least to you) because you get very shy around yia yia and grandpa when they come over. But, put your sparkling face in front of a crowd and you shine even brighter.

Mom and dad took all week to prepare the house and the food for our 18 guests and much to our pleasure, your first Thanksgiving was a tremendous success in our (not so humble) opinion. We can't speak for the rest of the family members, but we had a dang good time. You had a great time playing with your cousins and your grandpa (he was flying you around like Super Ayjia). Everyone took turns watching you to ensure that you didn't blow the house up....and although there were a few close calls, the house is still intact today.

After you went to bed, we celebrated by smoking cigars out front with your aunt Stina and your papa. It gave us a chance to just relax, enjoy our evening and celebrate a job well done.

Although, we did Thanksgiving last year (for a much smaller crowd), this year we combined both sides of mom's family and invited dad's family, as well. Glamma came up with a game that we decided to play from here on out. The first game was a game in which we all got to know eachother. We all took turn answering questions such as: What is your pet peeve? (Your grandpa said that his pet peeve was people with pet peeves); What was your favorite childhood game? (Your yia yia said that her favorite game was to play "doctor"); If you could invite 3 people to dinner, who would you invite? (we would put someting funny here, but we never finished this question as this turned into a debate about Christianity). Such is family!

All in all, our Thanksgiving was better because you were here. We love you much and now we can look forward to Christmas (which we heard was the holiday that proves that women don't need men to produce children).

The World's Greatest Dad

So, apparently children are afraid of their fathers. Or, at least, that's what the all-knowing photographer at Sears Portrait Studio thinks. And dammit, she must know what she's talking about. Not only does she make minimum wage, but she gets 7% off holiday photo packages as well....plus a free ornament.

But, we digress. The other day, we decided to take family photos so we can mail photos to our friends and family for Christmas to prove that yes indeed, we do own nice clothes...we just never wear them. Oh yeah, we also want to flaunt the beauty that is our child...what can we say? We're proud parents.

But, as we started our 9:00am photo session at 9:40 (what's 40 minutes on a weekday?), the photographer said a funny thing. When setting us up for the pose above, she said, "mom, is it okay if dad holds baby...or would she cry?" Now, first of all, I (dad) was sitting right there. And although I may slur my words like I'm deaf, I'm perfectly capable of holding an adult conversation. As long as each word in that adult conversation doesn't have more than 2 syllables. But, again, we digress. Secondly, what the hell would make this lady think that babies can't be held by their fathers? Upon thinking about this...what a sad reality!

As you can see in the picture above, our daughter has nothing but terror behind her eyes and is clearly in a fear-stricken pose. I know I know, you're thinking, "but she's smiling!"...but, don't let the looks deceive you..if you turned that photo upside down, she'd be frowning people!

Oh well! All in all, a fun trip to Sears to get family photos. But, if that day taught us one thing special, it was: if you have something to say to Cliff, say it to Kim. She is a perfect spokewoman for Cliff. And much better looking than he! She'll be able to answer all of your questions for him.

But, if this day taught us two things that were special, it was that Cliff must be the world's greatest dad. Because, apparently unlike most dads, he can hold his baby without her crying. And if that doesn't bring a tear to your eye, well..then go sit on your daddy's lap :)

Po' Sick Child

So, you're sick for the 2nd time in your life. Last week, our beloved neighbors came by and their child had a runny nose, but no fever. We took the chance hoping that you wouldn't get sick...and, well....you did. And, so did your mom and your dad.

Much to our dismay, mom and dad are far more grumpy than you are... we are miserable and are going to tell everyone about it... But, don't get us wrong, you are still grumpy as all hell. You are whiny (you got that from your dad), demanding to a fault (you got that from your mom), and just plain irritable (you got that from your real dad... the milkman).

So, after a day full of extra poopy diapers, shirts filled with snot, and enough grape-flavored children's tylenol to kill a horse, your dad has finally broken his fever... Meanwhile, you've been irritable from being sick also.

Po child... we love you and hope you feel better tomorrow.

The Science Diet

So today you and mommy went to Tynna's house to watch 'Brinnie' while Tynna went to her internship. Mom decided to help Tynna straighten up her house (like a good woman), and meanwhile you decided to find a new favorite food.

Much to the chagrin of the cat and your mother, you decided that your new favorite food would be Science Diet - Hairball Forumla for Healthy Cats. You were so proud of yourself crawling around with a mouth full of chicken flavored pellets (oh, and we're sure they used all the best parts of the chicken). You crawled up to momma and offered some of your new favorite treats from your sticky hands. Mom's hoping that the amount that you ate will give you a shiny new coat.

And, you may get sick from food poisoning, but hey, at least you won't have any hairballs.

Domingo Con Grandpa (Sunday w/ Grandpa)

This weekend Grandpa Bob came up to visit bearing gifts. Or, rather...gift. You see, Grandpa brought you your first bench! We were quick to sit you down for a photo session with the bench, the cat (from hell), and the stains on the carpet. There must have been 30 pictures taken of you in as many seconds. You're such a good model! Let's just stay away from the herion chic and eating disorders....deal?

Grandpa also helped mom give you a bath. You absolutely loved it and you were quick to tell him your thoughts on the science of water - you're such a little genius! Afterwards, mom was excited to share with you a piece of her punk rock attitude by giving you a punk rock hair do. Grandpa thought you looked kick ass and another photo session began. (Thank you Kodak for making a good digital camera and thank you Best Buy for making a credit card that allows us to afford said digital camera).

The "Craugh"

Oh my goodness! Look at you! You just can't wait to grow up, can you? This week mommy taught you how to hold your spoon and feed yourself your new chunky baby food. You haven't quite honed your new craft as well as your mom...you eat most like your dad right now...except a little more clean than he does. Suffice to say, our kitten (aka: the Cat from Hell) has acquired a taste for strained peas and beef (not to mention feet). So anything that you fling around while perfecting your new craft will be cleaned off the floor before mom can get to it.

But, your new table manners (or lack thereof) were not the only thing you developed this week. This week, you invented the "Craugh." Now, you might be wondering how your mom and I are going to teach you English if we go around inventing words like "craugh"..but we promise you we won't steer you wrong. Let us educate you, oh child. "Craugh" is the Cry-Laugh. Whenever you injure yourself, mom and dad make it a point to show you that we understand by reenacting the way in which you injured yourself (i.e. you hit your head on a table, so mom held you and then hit her head with her hand...much to the pleasure of dad - oh, how cathartic - and then said "BONK!") Even though you were hysterically crying, the site of your mother getting bonked in the head drove you to a hearty laugh. Note that you did not STOP crying...you just started laughing. And with that, our little baby invented the "Craugh"

Those Buttons Sure Is Pretty

Oh what a hectic day. Your mommy started her first internship today. Which basically means that both mom and dad are working. So, today was a bit of a readjustment. While mommy was getting ready for her new venture, you were doing everything you could to get mom's attention. "Look mom! This lightsocket does cool tricks!" "Look what I found by the trashcan while your back was turned for one second....and, man, I bet it'd taste really good!"

But, alas, your lil' body soon gave out and you crashed after a painstaking attempt to keep you up as long as possible to accomodate our new schedule. So, your nap made both mom and dad (who was stuck on the computer as always) take a break from their hectic morning to stop and take this picture. Oh how beautiful you are when you're asleep.

Later on, Your Best Friend Chelsea took care of you for the first time while mom was at her internship and dad was on meetings. You weren't too bad to her (haven't we taught you anything!! Give 'em hell!), and within an hour, dad was off work and playing around with you.

After we all ate (this family loves us some food), we started a new "family time" before you go to bed. Mom, dad, Tigger (psycho kitty), and Ayjia all played around while the cat did somersaults and tai kwan doe against dad's very intimidating black socked foot. (Note: dad's foot is still bleeding hours later). "Na No Kitty!"

During our new family time, you reminded me of the wonderful, interesting world of buttons.
Oh, how curious those buttons are. They all look different and they do sooooo many things like hold shirts together, hold pants together, hold jackets together, and....well, actually they don't do that much...but, they sure is pretty....but, not quite as pretty as our girl.

Goodnight sleeping beauty! Tomorrow is Daddy Daughter Night while mom goes to school!

Peace Out!

Looking back at Halloween 2004

So basically, we are working backwards. Today you actually turned 10 months, BUT we needed to show the world how adorable you are and put up pix of your first Halloween. No doubt, you are the cutest bear in the whole wide world. As you can see, Glamma thinks so too.
You were so awesome that night. You just sat so seriously in your stroller, holding on to that plastic pumpkin basket waiting for people to drop in the candy. You were on a mission and no one, not even God Herself, could stop you.

Then... it all changed. Some neighbor decided to give you a little bag of pretzels. (cheap bastards! who eats pretzels for Halloween?!?!?!?! Candy, you idiots! Candy!)* At that point, you immediately dropped your pumpkin full of mommy and daddy's candy (whoever said child labor should be illegal didn't have kids to take Trick or Treating) and spent the entire night shaking and crinkling the pretzel bag. You are the easiest baby to entertain.

*note: we also may have been so cheap as to purchase pretzels this year for the kids this Halloween... but it's better for them anyway.

Your Firsts

You are getting ready to turn 10 months old on November 11th. <---your dad is lame (you'll be 10 months on November 7th). You get cooler and more beautiful every day. I'll try and post pics for anyone that is interested ASAP.

You are crawling now (at speeds that I didn't know were possible to achieve by anything other than an Olympic runner), and you are walking a few steps at a time now. Since most of you can't see this...let me know try and paint a picture. Step, Step, Step, Step, CRASH!!!...."WWWAAAAHHHHH!"......Cut to me yelling, "suck it up! you're never going to get anywhere in life if you don't keep trying"!

Meanwhile, Ayjia is thinking, "but Dad It's 2:30am, you've been trying to make me walk for 7 and 1/2 hours, give me a break."......OK, JUST KIDDING....she only takes three steps before crashing, but the rest is accurate.

LOL. Your dad is a freak. What are you going to do?

I'll keep posting as long as you keep doing cute things...which I imagine you'll be doing for years now.

Anyways, I just wanted to get this started today. But, I promise you there is more to come.