Dada Has A Binky

So, today you put together your first sentence. It may not get you an "A" in college-level English. But, it will do for 16 months. After your nap today, you came dowstairs (in dad's arms, not by yourself...although you can go up and down stairs now), and you rested on dad's man-boobs while your body woke up completely (you're a slow waker-upper like yo' momma). After fulling waking up, dad played his usual game with you by stealing your binky and putting it in his mouth. This usually elicits some kind of laughter from you, but today, something different spewed from your mouth. And we're not talking about barf. No, today after dad stole your cherished binky, you turned to mom and said, "Dada Has Binky." It sounded more like Dada Has Book-A, but we understood you. And it really doesn't matter, cuz if "Dada Has Binky" it confirms that "Ayjia has brain."

Your New Best Friend - The Complete Stranger

OK, Ayjia, you know how your parents used to say, "don't talk to strangers" when you were a kid. Errr....wait. We never said that and you're still a kid. OK, well it doesn't matter. If we would have said it you would not have understood what we were saying. And, if you did understand, I'm sure you would not have been paying attention. And, if for some reason you did understand and you were paying attention, you certainly would not have obeyed.

But we digress. Lately, you have taken to talking to completely strangers. Now, that in itself is kind of cool. It shows that you're branching out, coming out of your cocoon, and becoming a beautiful social butterfly so to speak. What is worth noting in this blog is HOW you talk to these strangers.

Let us take last night for instance. Mom was off at school and your dad was responsible for cooking dinner...which meant that it was off to McDonalds. So, there you were at McDonalds with Dad and you notice someone sitting behind you. So, you turn around to say, "Hi!" Ahhhhhh...how sweet, right? Wrong!

You see, when you say "Hi!" to strangers now, you make two social faux paus. One , you say "Hi" about as loudly as the strangers shriek in terror when you startle them. Secondly, you keep saying, "Hi!" (or...HIIIII!!!!!) over and over and OVER AND OVER again. Granted, you do wait about 30 seconds in between each "Hi!" but as your parents we're here to tell you....you only need to say hi once to people you know and really, you don't have to say "Hi" to strangers at all..

This is terribly humiliating for us as you proceed to do this with EVERYONE within site. So, after the friendly stranger behind you at McDonalds started ignoring you (he actually responded and thought you were cute.....the first 12 times), you started saying "Hi!" to people as they walked in the door. And, when they didn't respond, you somehow turned the volume up to 11 and said, "Hi!" louder and louder as each person continued to ignore you and walk away.

Now, this may be humiliating, but, none of that mattered now. How dare they not say Hi! to you. Don't worry, girl. We'll set a good example and kick their ass for you.

Review: Dads Make Great Pillows, but Boobs Are Still Softer

So, it's been a while since you've fallen asleep on dad. And, by " a while" we mean...oh...about a year or so. Or, since you were the size of a peanut. But the other day, dad tried to put you down for a nap and you said, "no no" while shaking your little (huge) head. And, rather than force you to go down for a nap and hear you cry through the baby monitor, we figured "you asked nicely" so we didn't put you down. So, dad takes you downstairs and sits down on the couch. You obviously lied when you said you weren't ready for a nap, because a few seconds later you were fast asleep on dad's chest.

Now, don't get us wrong. It's not as if you haven't fallen asleep around dad in the past year. Just not on top of him. Usually, you're in bed next to him, kicking him in the ribs, puncturing a lung with your fingernails, or kneeing him in the balls to ensure you never have a brother or sister.

Luckily mom pokes holes in the condoms, so I'm sure someday you'll have a sibling you can abuse after you've finished off your parents.

Ack!....or Dyslexia is an Itchbay

So, you little English professor. It appears that on the brink of 16 months you still have not mastered the English language. Geniuses might blame this on your dad for passing on his retardeness to your hiney-ess, or maybe on Dyslexia, but we blame it on the fact that you still don't have a full set of teeth and poop your pants. So, your latest assault on the king's (eerr...Queen's) language is the word "Hat." Oh, we're sorry, you may not recognize "hat" because you pronounce it "Ack." Over and over and over again...no, that part of you still has not changed. We think it's cute you say Ack to get us to put your hat on just so you can take it off 20 seconds later. But, the other day you did actually wear your "Ack" for more than 2 minutes and we have the pictures to prove it. And to that, we say "Acks off to you!"

Bewitched

Ok, twinkle toes, here's the deal. Lately, you either have an ear infection or you found your new best friends...your ears. Your mom and dad used to twirl their hair when they were tired or falling alseep, but appears that your thing is to play with those big ass ears dad lovingly passed onto you. This is cute and makes a great blog picture, but we just realized a scary thought. What if this is your way of casting a spell on your parents? You know, kind of like Samantha moving her nose on Bewtiched. Well, not much we can do, so go ahead and cast a spell. We can let your mullet grow out again. Haha! Yeah, you may be a witch, but it doesn't change the fact that your parents are evil.