See, we decided to do HypnoBirthing. HypnoBirthing is essentially a technique to ensure a natural birth. Rather than encouraging pain killers (which 90% of the population takes when having a baby), HypnoBirthing teaches that labor is intensive, but it doesn't have to be painful if you have the right mind set. So, part of that mindset is to not treat the experience like a medical procedure or succumb to the hype of birth through media and medicine . Instead, treat the experience as it is, a natural, spiritual experience.
Part of the way we do this is by self-mediation (thus the "Hypno") and part of this is accomplished by little things such as not being hooked up to an IV, not wearing hospital gowns, not taking an epidural, etc. Overall, listening to our God-given bodies to guide us the way it is SUPPOSED to work.
To ensure the proper birth of Elias, we wrote out a birth plan. It's important to note that our desire was to have the opposite experience that we had with Ayjia, who was an emergency C-Section. We took the birth plan to our doctor, doctor signed off on said birth plan, and we thought we were all good to go.
We had an eventful start. 10 days prior to Elias' birth, Kim started her contractions every 6 minutes, all day and all night. Sometimes down to every 3-5 minutes. This is what we call a "prolonged" labor. 5 days later, Kim is still contracting throughout the day, but now every 10-20 minutes. After many days of contractions, the pressure of the waves begins to feel like sore pain. Think about it... exercise a muscle constantly... it gets sore. This is important to clarify, because, as we proceed, we will reference contractions as "pain". This is why.
Little did we realize that nurses nowadays are basically glorified drug pushers. Here's some of the crazy things that happened during Elias' birth:
1. After being 5 cm dilated for 12 hours, walking the hospital halls for many hours, and being repeatedly reminded that we could "just break the bag and get things started", we were told the Doctor (capitalized because apparently they're God's) was "frustrated" with us because we weren't making progress. We were told to get induced (through the use of drugs, which we didn't want) or we could go home. Not feeling welcomed, we packed up our shit, and left.
2. 4 HOURS LATER, the labor progressed to back labor (if any women out there has experienced authentic back labor, you know that it's NO JOKE!), so we were back in the hospital. Except now all of the rooms were full. So, we got to labor in triage (you know... beds of 3 in a room with only curtains dividing for privacy). FUN. But, this was no one's fault. Although it should be noted that if we had just stayed, we would have had a room.
3. Kim is checked upon returning to the hospital at 3am, in triage, on May 26th. She is now 7 cm. Contractions are consistently 3-5 mins apart (note: this means the kid is on the way). Kim is checked again at 5am. She's "still 7 cm"
I pause for education. When a woman dilates for labor, it's not like a rubber band. It's not like a woman dilates and then her cervix contracts. The cervix dilates one way during birth. It's like a fat kid's mouth trying to fit around a 3 lb burger. It only gets BIGGER until the goal is accomplished. This is important because....
4. The nursing staff, now irritated we're not accepting any "medical help" and worried that Kim is going to "die" or "kill the baby" if she doesn't get an IV, sends in their "closer." The closer tells an exhausted, groggy Kim after checking her cervix at 7am, "You're only 5cm" now. This flipped our world upside down, and brought the hellion out in all of us. How the hell could she be 5 cm after being checked twice?
That's ok... Can we have a 2nd opinion? Let's have the Dr check Kim, not the "closer". What a surprise... he's in surgery. The nurse suggests an IV to hydrate her (she has now not eaten a full meal in a few days) with a drug to "relax Kim and let her rest." Being thoroughly beyond exhausted, discouraged, and flat-out tired of fighting, Kim breaks down and accepts the hydration and a small dose of a narcotic that makes her high for 2 hours.
Editors note: Kim was COMPLETELY sober LESS than 2 hours later. Pain was not at all relieved, but she did get to rest a little because the narcotic allowed her to feel the pain but just not care . We're convinced this "back to 5 cm thing" was a lie. We think Kim was still at 7 cm, but the nurse wanted to get the IV in. We believe this because...
5. One hour later, after the drug has worn off, at 8am, Kim is now miraculously back to almost 8 cm. Hmm....Suspicious.
6. Now 2pm, she's checked again. She's still at 8 cm. Progress hasn't been made. The "closer" walks in and says, "you might as well get an epidural, you're going to need it anyways for the C-Section." WHAT? We ask what the hell she's smoking. She says because labor isn't progressing (I'm sorry, were we on a schedule here?), the only option is an epidural and that's probably going to lead to a C-Section. Was the baby in danger? No. Was Kim in danger? No. So, what are we missing? We ask for the doctor. He says, "keep trying" and we'll check again in 2 hours. Cliff calls the nurse into a hallway meeting and ask her politely to back off.
For the next two hours, Cliff, Kim and the Superhero Doula Lillian, take matters into their own hands. LITERALLY. We used our own drugs to "get things going". Two words. Nipple stimulation. This is usually not advised, ESPECIALLY BY DOCTORS, because it CAN put the baby in distress, but we had the heart monitor for Elias and 4 very willing hands.
Note: the baby is delivered NATURALLY 2 hours later, at 6:33pm. Ahhh...sweet revenge.
7. The final straw. Baby is delivered and never gets cleaned or leaves mom's side/arms. We fight not to give him his immunizations. This is an easy battle. Kim is somewhat looked at as crazy since bright and early the next morning, she is up and about in the nursery using their bathing facilities for Elias and not allowing any of the staff to participate/intervene.
But the next day, the day we leave the hospital, the Doctor that did not deliver Elias, but DID approve the birth plan, comes in to give Kim a hard time. What was said, you ask? "Not only do you refuse the birthing drugs, but now you are refusing the after-birthing drugs?" "I have a hard time believing you're not feeling any pain." "I'd like to see you in 6 weeks, since you cancelled your last 2 appointments you had with me." Here's the doozy: "I also don't appreciate you changing your birth plan after I signed it." WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? We have the ORIGINAL copy with the ORIGINAL signature. How could we have possibly changed anything. So, now we're being told we're liars. He asks us not to deliver in this hospital again. We tell him we don't plan on it.
Moral of the story. Women, TRUST WHAT YOURSELVES AND YOUR BODY!
If you're reading this and planning on having children, PLEASE question everything. Do your research on the drugs, the epidurals, the immunizations. Most of the time, they're not needed. In the end, we got our way. Both Kim and Elias are fantastic, but we didn't want to forget the battle we had. The battle we won.
Like Chaka Khan said: I'M EVERY WOMAN. IT'S ALL IN ME.
Did it have to be so difficult? No. But hopefully our story will help someone out there...
